Fetish clubs and why I don't like them

kneehighs · 2nd June 2008, 03:42

There is no guarantee that a person you meet at a fetish club will accept a man in heels outside of the context of a fetish club, or a professional DOM/SUB setting.

One observation I've made is that a lot of people at fetish clubs are professionally affiliated with the fetish scene: DOM/SUB, BDSM, fetish clothing store owners, something wherein the profit drive underscores their acceptance of men in heels. It's an entire lifestyle for them. This is besides the point though.

My point is that if you are looking for a partner or a date who will accept a man in heels, acceptance is just as easily won in the "vanilla" world as it is in the fetish world.

I think the fetish world trains people to accept men in heels on a sexual kink basis. That wearing heels is some kind of sexually kinky experience, based out of desire to turn oneself on, than just an item of clothing to decorate one's body with. Instead of fighting the common socially constructed stereotype that heels are for females only, you replace that with another socially constructed stereotype that heels are okay to wear because it's something that sexually arouses you. I find this troublesome.

Last night for example I was "closing a girl" on a first date. When I asked the proverbial, "so what steps can we take to get together outside of here?" she replied, "I'm sorry, but the heels just don't do it for me. I want a man's man, but you are really cute though" NEXT....was an asian girl I had met at the previous Club Smack. She too had a problem with me wearing heels outside of the club.

I've been to five fetish clubs now: 2 Torture Gardens, 2 Club Smacks, and 1 Mistress Baroness party. I kept an open mind. And being an extrovert at heart, I've socialized with many people at these parties. In every case, the people I met were decent, well behaved, and otherwise healthy and constructive citizens of the world. So please don't take this as an attack against the people of the fetish community.

In general, acceptance of men in heels in the fetish world begins with a sexual kink, since that is the origin for their understanding of the issue. Getting that viewpoint to cross more contexts in their mind beyond just the club scene is a total separate battle to be fought. Just because men in heels is accepted in the fetish scene, does not mean those in the fetish scene will accept men in heels in the real world.

Fetish scene? No thanks. My mind is now made up. The fetish scene is NOT for me...

crotchboots-m · 2nd June 2008, 04:08

i am not surprised in the least. i know of plenty of people that are not accepting of others foibles,even though they have plenty of their own. the same applies to the fetish world. it goes like this...i dont get it, i dont like it,i will exclude you from the human race because of it. thats why so many of the heellovers in general will not wear in public....and i dont blame them. who wants to put up with those pinheaded mindless buttwipes anyways. better to have ones fun in private and keep the wolves at bay.

Trinity · 2nd June 2008, 08:31

I am someone who is into the fetish scene. The club you choose to go to has to be selected very carefully. In more recent times the fetish scene has become a little bit more main stream and therefore some of the clubs have become places of fashion, and not what they should be A Fetish club.
Having said that i do believe it is a place to start with showing a girl your love of heels and testing the water, they too might be comfortable with the heel wearing. I dont think there is anything to be lost by it.
Choose a less main strem night and you will find a more suitable person.

Trolldeg · 2nd June 2008, 10:36

My girlfriend, who thinks I look very sexy in heels everywhere, first saw me at a fetish club...

Bubba136 · 2nd June 2008, 16:31

Quote:

Originally Posted by kneehighs

"she replied, "I'm sorry, but the heels just don't do it for me.

As is often said, we are the sum total of all of our experiences. And, like most of us, we were taught to think of gender seperation in very graphic ways. Long hair for girls. Crew cuts for boys. Skirts and dainty black patent mary jains for girls, Keds Gym Shoes for boys. etc., etc., etc.

Wow, just think! This is the way of the world. It doesn't matter if you ride Yaks in Mongolia, lounge on the sands of Rio's Ipanema or run across the plains in Kenya. There is a definate difference in clothing styles to differentiate between women and men. And, in almost all cases, it is "taboo" for a man to wear clothing that identifies the wearer as female.

Even though the modern world has taken enormous strides towards allowing gender lines to become more closely aligned (we've come a long way, baby :-) ), the stigma of a man in women's clothing is still thought of as devient behavior. And, that's a difficult image to overcome.

The wisest thing about Kneehigh's situation is that he asked the question up front.

Thus the statement "There is no guarantee -- ." (And, so ilife goes on)

And, I'm preaching to the choir!

Dr. Shoe · 2nd June 2008, 20:37

I think it depends on the girl to be honest. There's some that might not mind on other guys but oon their own boyfriend or husband, forget it.

I don't like fetish clubs myself much either, though I did have a good time in club rub when I wore the outfit in my avatar...

Givemeheels · 2nd June 2008, 23:41

Went to a fetish club recently in heels recently & got many compliments - all from the ladies, & no negative comments. In my experience, they are places of self-expression & acceptance. If you are not accepting (even if in private, you don't like what you see) then they aren't the place yu should be.

fastfreddy2 · 3rd June 2008, 02:14

My experiences in fetish clubs have been fairly positive. In fact it's where I pretty much got into heels, after an initial visit to the Porchester in London. While there at a TV/TS Ball, I was asked if I went to Maîtresse on Mondays, by about 20 people..... Consequently I made it my business to go there, and find out what all the interest was over. I wasn't disappointed.

If anyone here goes to the Skin Two Ball in November, I can tell you the gig started in a fairly seedy venue behind what is now known as the Astoria opposite Centre Point.

Back then, if I went there with my GF dressed as a man, we were never spoken to ..... If I went as a girl (my preference, but getting ready took HOURS), we were always approached by others there, and sometimes invited to private fetish parties ..... [No, proper parties, not 'sessions'.]

I suspect, a man wearing heels at a fetish club and not (say) wearing any other female attire, is going to be seen as a bit of an enigma? They will seem like someone with a foot in 'both camps' - each camp being a single aspect of the fetish scene of course. People can debate it as much as they like, but each of us pigeon-hole others because it's beyond our intellectual control to do otherwise. [DNA forces us to do it.]

If you can't be pigeon-holed, I'm guessing you become a possible threat, merely by failing to be pigeon-holed. And in fact that notion could explain a great deal about why, men-in-heels, isn't more popular. [Or isn't more publically popular?]

For what it's worth .....

My 'solution' would be to wear HH cowboy boots while at the venue. It's maybe a compromise, but they are quite popular and means heels can be worn without seeming enigmatic. The Fornarina boots I own would be ideal. Certainly I'd be loathe to give up visiting such places. Waaay too much visual stimulation to miss by choice.

....

kneehighs · 3rd June 2008, 03:29

Hey guys, just to clarify....

I never said I had a BAD time, I just said I experimented with the scene enough to know that it isn't to my liking. One beautiful blonde at the party came up to me on her way out and said that I looked great and wanted to give me her free drink ticket, which I humbly accepted.

To be honest though, I enjoy a wide enough range of choice of where to meet girls and accepting people that I don't need to go to a fetish club to find acceptance. I've met women on the sidewalks of New York and gone out on dates in pumps, met women online, met women at Fashion Week for heaven's sake...taking the time to go to a fetish club, to me, seems like a waste of precious time. But that's just my opinion and I don't judge those that do go to fetish clubs.

I still hold that the fetish scene underscores acceptance based on a sexual kink association. It's okay because it's a fetish right alongside of voyeurism, exhibitionism, dwarfism, infantilism, and a host of other fetishes.

To me, I hold myself responsible for avoiding being lumped into the same category as the other fetishes and my attendance at fetish parties doesn't help.

I wipe my hands clean. I'm DONE.

fastfreddy2 · 3rd June 2008, 04:07

Quote:

Originally Posted by kneehighs

...taking the time to go to a fetish club, to me, seems like a waste of precious time. But that's just my opinion and I don't judge those that do go to fetish clubs.

I still hold that the fetish scene underscores acceptance based on a sexual kink association. It's okay because it's a fetish right alongside of voyeurism, exhibitionism, dwarfism, infantilism, and a host of other fetishes.

To me, I hold myself responsible for avoiding being lumped into the same category as the other fetishes and my attendance at fetish parties doesn't help.

I wipe my hands clean. I'm DONE.

Thanks for the clarity.

Unlike yourself, I've never found attendance at any club (fetish or otherwise) to be the acceptance of a label. Rather, it's always been an indulgence of my interest on the day..... As I said before; "Certainly I'd be loathe to give up visiting such places. Waaay too much visual stimulation to miss by choice."

But as you rightly say, you have plenty of alternatives, many of which are easier/quicker to access. So the alternatives are more effective?

Lucky you!

[I know 'luck' has little to do with it, you good looking charmer!]

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