dr1819

What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A fsh.

dr1819

So I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah."
I said "Why?"
He said "My dog died."

dr1819

A polar bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender:
"I'll have a brandy...........................................
..............................................................
..............................................................
..............................................................
..............................................................
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..........and coke."
The bartender asks: "What's with the big pause?"
The bear responds: "I dunno. I've always had them."

Shafted

What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals.

Still no _______ idea!

__________________
Shafted, the boots that is!

dr1819

An Italian, a Scotsman and a Chinese fellow are hired on a construction site. The foreman points out a huge pile of sand and says to the Italian guy, "You're in charge of sweeping."
To the Scotsman he says, "You're in charge of shovelling."
And to the Chinese guy, "You're in charge of supplies."
He then says, "Now, I have to leave for a little while. I expect you guys to make a dent in that there pile."
So the foreman goes away for a couple hours and when he returns, the pile of sand is untouched.
He asks the Italian, "Why didn't you sweep any of it?" The Italian replies, "I no hava no broom. You saida to the Chinese a fella that he a wasa in a charge of supplies, but he hasa disappeared and I no coulda finda him nowhere."
Then the foreman turns to the Scotsman and says, And you, I thought I told you to shovel this pile."
The Scotsman replies, "Aye, ye did lad, boot ah couldnay get meself a shoovel! Ye left th' Chinese gadgie in chairge of supplies, boot ah couldnay fin' him either."
The foreman is really angry now and storms off toward the pile of sand to look for the Chinese guy ... Just then, the Chinese guy leaps out from behind the pile of sand and yells... "SUPPLIES!!!"

dr1819

A GUY RAN INTO A BAR and said, "Bartender, quick--give me something for a headache."

dr1819

YOU REMEMBER WHAT THE DRUNK SAID when he fell into a vat of whiskey? "Death, where is thy sting?"

dr1819

The only way to have the last word in an arguement is to say, "honey, I suppose you're right..."

dr1819

Two elephants and a cymbol fall off a cliff.

B-DUM TSHHH

dr1819

Two pieces of grey tarmac were sitting in a pub. One nudges teh other and whispers "whats up with that guy?" "which guy" "they one in the corner, the red tarmac" "Ohhh! you dont want to mess with him. he's a cycle path!"