kirkules

On the talking animal theme........

A guy goes into a pet shop and asks the owner if he has a talking parot.

"No" says the owner "but I do have a talking centipeed..!"

"I'll take it" says the guy, passes over some money and walks out of the shop with the centipeed in a box under his arm.

When he gets home, the guys opens the box and introduces himself to his new friend.

There is no reply.

"Do you fancy going down to the pub for a pint of beer?" The guy asks the centipeed.

No reply so he leaves it five minutes and asks again

"Do you fancy going to the pub for a pint of beer?"

Still no reply.

This time he leans over the box and says slowly and concisely

"I am going to the pub for a beer. Do you fancy coming?"

"I heard you the first time!" Says the centipeed. "Give me a chance, I'm putting my shoes on...............!"

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fastest cross-dresser on two wheels

kirkules

A man walks into a pub with a giraffe in tow. He orders two pints of beer, one for him and one for the giraffe. After about ten pints, the giraffe falls over drunk and lays on the floor.

The guys stands up and goes to leave. The barman says to him...

"Oi....you can't leave that l'yin' there"

"It's not a lion" says the guy........"It's a giraffe...!!"

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fastest cross-dresser on two wheels

kirkules

The Lone Ranger and Tonto go into this one horse town looking for a baddy in the middle of winter. They stop at a saloon bar. The Lone Ranger says to Tonto...

"Tonto, you wait here.......these people aren't too welcoming to Indians!" The Lone Ranger tells him.

"But it is cold out here!" says Tonto.

"Run on the spot then, it will keep you warm" says the Lone Ranger and off he goes into the saloon bar.

After about five minutes a cowboy walks into the saloon, saunters up to the bar and asks...

"Who owns the silver horse outside...?"

"Me..!" says The Lone Ranger, standing up from a table, hand on his holster. "Why.....?"

"Cause you left your Ingine running...!!!!!!!!!!!"

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fastest cross-dresser on two wheels

kirkules

All the daft jokes are coming out to get me past the twenty five post marker and off these comfy loafers.

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fastest cross-dresser on two wheels

kirkules

Two dogs are sitting in the vets. Bob and Bill.

Bob turns to Bill and asks why he is there.

"Well" says Bill, "I was out walking with the master when this French Poodle bitch walked past. She was shaven as they do and I thought 'Woof Woof' and pulled off my leash and gave her a good seeing to.....so I'm here to have me nadgers cut off!"

"That is terrible...!" Says Bob.

"So why you here Bob..?" Asks Bill.

"Well" starts Bob, "I was in the masters bedroom, laying on the bed cleaning my bits.......because I can when the mistress came out of the shower glistening wet with nothing but a small towel around her. The towel fell off and she bent over saying 'Bugger Me...' so I did just that. I couldn't help myself. I lept off the bed and mounted her".

"Oh no...!" says Bill. "So are you here to be put down....?"

"Nah.....!!" Says Bob, "I'm getting my claws cut......!"

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fastest cross-dresser on two wheels

ShockQueen

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!! Oh my gawd those are great! Thanks kirkules!

The only funny thing I can think of, and if you're a fan of our fair Prez, don't keep reading.

Google must have it's head on straight finally. If you go to www.google.com and type "failure" in the search bar, and click "I'm Feeling Lucky", you won't believe what you see. It's pretty insanely accurate IMHO. :drinking:

Cheers!

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"I'm clicking my ruby slippers three times, but my teleporter is BROKEN!"

kirkules

Brilliant Shockqueen....!! I laughed out loud.

Everyone must check this out, see shockqueen post above and follow the instructions. Good luck..

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fastest cross-dresser on two wheels

jmc

And on the subject of politics and politicians:

An Indian chief walks into a saloon. He has a shotgun in one hand and is leading a huge bull buffalo with the other. At the bar he orders a cup of coffee.

The bartender says "Here you go, Chief" and places a steaming cup in front of the Chief. The Chief gulps it down, grabs his shotgun, turns and blasts the buffalo to smithereens. He then walks out.

The next day the same chief walks into the same saloon with another bull buffalo and his shotgun. He steps up to the bar and orders coffee.

The bartender asks "Whoa there Chief. You made an awful mess the other day we're still cleaning it up! What was that all about?"

The chief replies "Me practice to be politician. Drink coffee, shoot bull, leave big mess for others to clean up."

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Have a happy time!

kirkules

A horse walks into a bar and the barman asks...

"Why the long face..?"

:drinking:

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fastest cross-dresser on two wheels

Nigel

what do you call a seagull on his head?

cliff.

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Have you ever been in a situation where you knew you were supposed to act a certain way, but when you got there, you didn't know if you could go through with it?