Is it OK for a man to ask a woman about her high heels?

Ben(Canada) · 7th February 2002, 05:10

I come here as an interested observer of women wearing high heeled shoes. I don't have much "inside" information about high heels as I am not married, in a relationship, and the women friends I have had in the last years think fancy cloths and shoes are an indication of women without any brains.

The other day I was thinking over the years of different relationships with women, and I was surprised how many actually wore high heels from time to time. Now I am a curious type of person and like asking a lot of questions...usually too many. I like to know what makes a person tick. The last time I talked to a woman friend...maybe a bit more...about her high heels was a long, long time ago. I said something like "how do you like wearing heels". And the response I got was pretty cold. It was as if I was asking her about the deepest darkest secret of her life.

So I never posed this question again. Once I agreed to go on a bicycle touring trip for a few weeks with a gal. She invited me over for dinner. I remember she took me over to her bedroom in the loft to show me some maps. I was surprised at the racks and racks of shoes she had, mostly high heels, and some pretty high too. Wow, I thought, but I didn't dare to even ask her about her shoes.

I think it is fun to expose all your thoughts. So anyways, I think you get the drift of what my question is.

I am asking this question in the Rant Forum, because I have noticed the topics in the discussion website are divided. The men have their section and the women have their own. I understand one reason for this is to be able to identify what shade man/woman the experiences are being said in. But the way they are titled "for the gals", "for the guys". I know the "for the gals" format is not supposed to be for guys that wear high heels to share their wearing experiences. Are the guys also not supposed to make comments or ask questions to the women here. So is this one more examples of my experiences that women want to wear stylish things but it is embarrasing to talk to men about that. It is a girl talk thing. Just asking, I have learned I am not going to change how people think...I just like to know.

Laurieheels · 7th February 2002, 06:20

Fancy clothes and shoes are for women without brains? What the heck kind of women have you been hanging around with? And if they weren't in fancy clothes and shoes, what was the attraction?

I would think these commentators are jealous of the sexy AND smart woman who gets the attention.

As for is it okay to ask, well, it seems to me that if you have a relationship with someone and you ask about shoes, there shouldn't be any problem.
One barrier you might face is that when you ask, the woman is thinking you are asking because you like wearing. So diplomacy is needed. You have to express that you are curious and an admirer, and simply that.

How? WHy would I know, I'm just the woman likely to be asked, not the one trying to do the asking. Unless you get a really good feeling or connection from a woman you just bumped into, I would wait until you can ask someone you know and thus can judge the personality for possible reactions.

It's like being a detective. You need to get clues as to the woman you are watching, and then use those clues to formulate the question.

So it's empy and non specific advice. I cannot speak for anyone else other than myself. And sometimes that is dangerous enough!

IHeels · 7th February 2002, 08:57

Hiya Ben,

We'll get to hub of this straight away, I can't believe it seriously you asked "how do you like wearing heels". Surely you could have been a little less 'in your face' than that. I probably would have gone cold too. Now what I would expect is as Laurie put it a bit of the detective, then if you're confident, admiration of the person, then the shoes, only then you can be daring and ask about walking in heels.

Hope this helps, oh you might need a bit of luck also!

Inga

Highluc · 7th February 2002, 10:56

When I see somebody wearing nice heels I have no qualms starting a conversation about it. The first thing usually is just complementing her on the shoes, then asking how comfortable they are in the long run, finally where she bought them. Sometimes this gets extended a bit more getting deeper in the subject of heels comfort in life. I had many interesting conversations with (girl)friends and strangers that way, and rarely cold responses. Usually women like to talk about fashion and are glad a guy is also interested in the subject.

IHeels · 7th February 2002, 11:26

Thanks Highluc,

I've had no problems telling guys where they can acquire the shoes from as long as they asked the right way. Looks like you've got a pretty good idea on how you go about this one.

Inga

Firefox · 7th February 2002, 14:45

My experience is similar to HiLuc. Anyway, the fact I am often wearing them myself makes me part of the "club", so a woman is going to realise I am genuinely interested in the shoes, and not just trying some pick up line or something.

Ben(Canada) · 7th February 2002, 17:52

Hi all, thanks for the comments!

It seems there are "rules" in life and they are all meant to be broken. OK, I understand what Laurieheels and IHeels are saying. But in the case I mentioned I had known the gal for some months and I didn't just blurt out the question.

Now the other comments in the thread lead me to believe that I shouldn't care as much about how women respond in the first few seconds. First, it appears to be OK to talk to a women about her shoes. I wasn't sure about that. Then maybe there is this uncomfortable period were the women is taken aback. Then perhaps if I am a good conversationalist I should forge ahead and make the other person comfortable talking about it. Maybe crack a joke and break the ice jam.

I guess if the situation was turned around, and a woman asked me something personal, I might seize up too. But I know some women know how to forge ahead and then the whole issue becomes comforable to talk about in the end.

Firefox · 8th February 2002, 01:14

I guess you did go in a bit at the deep end even if you did know her. If you said something a bit more innocent like "do they hurt your feet" or do they "take practice to wear" you can judge from the response if you can take it further.

I don't think men and women are too much different how they handle what could be a personal question. I remeber some guy at school asked me how often I wanked like straight out. I think I told him to mind his own business, but I remember another time when I discussed masterbation for ages with a guy in my form because he was polite and a bit nervous about it, but also willing to share his experiences. Like many things, how you approach it is the key.

Ben(Canada) · 8th February 2002, 05:50

Quote:

Laurieheels wrote: Fancy clothes and shoes are for women without brains? What the heck kind of women have you been hanging around with? And if they weren't in fancy clothes and shoes, what was the attraction?

I would think these commentators are jealous of the sexy AND smart woman who gets the attention.

Laurie, I think you are a breath of fresh air compared to the women I have often stumbled onto.

I think the issues you mentioned above relate to a type of reverse psychology type belief that some people adhere to...if it looks good it must be bad, if it is a little sexy and exiting it must be wrong, anything nice that a woman wears makes her look like a prostitute, and money has made some people commit suicide and so don't strive to have any money either.

I like the way you are not like this and are willing to go for things when they seem exciting and are even a little daring...like your recent decision to work towards wearing the highest of heels. I think it would be pretty neat if you could get to the point of being able to wear 7" heels for an extended period of time. I know some are saying this is not possible but who knows.

Laurieheels · 8th February 2002, 06:24

Quote:

On 2002-02-08 05:50, Ben(Canada) wrote:

Laurie, I think you are a breath of fresh air compared to the women I have often stumbled onto.

I think it would be pretty neat if you could get to the point of being able to wear 7" heels for an extended period of time. I know some are saying this is not possible but who knows.

Ouch,a cliche. Thank you for the compliment! I'm just being myself, and that just happens to be different from EVERYONE else. I like that. Non conformity is good. Even if I do not like something, it would never mean other people should not do it. I think that is where the problem is in society. Most people do not like something, and automatically look down on anyone taking part in that something. Living like that is awful.

Now, seven inchers. Well sure, some people say it cannot be done. Maybe that is true. But I'll still try...

Within our hearts a flame burns, a passion for life still smolders, a desire to chase our dreams and fulfil them still glows. Should we let the fire die? Should the light go out of us? Should we give up hope?

Hell no.

Embrace everything that you might desire, and work towards the goal. Some days it may seem impossible, but just hold on a few more, and possibility will begin to blossom.

So even your desire to ask women about their shoes will be fulfilled some day, if you just try.