sevenup

Hi guys and gals, this is not at all related too shoes etc. but i need help/advice before i go completely crazy ,

I split up with a young woman Claire, in april 07, we ended our relationship by txt message basically over something very trivial, both stubborn as mules at the time and acted like 14 year olds ( although my son at 14 has probably more sense than me right now!). The thing is i consider my self pretty much a gentleman, i heard she had started seeing someone else, so i kept my distance , but we met at a new years party and fuelled by some encouragement from her friend and incidentally my neighbour i sat and chatted to her, her eyes seemed to light up, my heart started to race it felt like we had not been apart,at the end of the night i took her home and we kissed ,only kissed i will add, i said we would have too talk more!

We have talked more , several times more too be precise , her other man knows of my presecnce, she has been honest with him, i cannot fault her for that, we have actually slept together once ,it was a mad moment, he doesn't know this , thats all ,
she has actually said she is finding it difficult too finish with him but has said she will, she is still seeing him although not as regularly as she did before i arrived back on the scene.My problem is i want her now! i appreciate fully her predicament, she has been seeing him a while 5 to 6 months , i know he was unfaithfull to his wife before they separated and have told Claire, he lied too her about his past, How do i win this girl back , i realise now what an idiot i was in april, she is like a drug too me at the moment i need my weekly fix, i have told her all of this in heart felt letters , txt messages and in person,i am convinced we were meant too be together , she has admitted that there is chemistry between us but i am beginning to get paranoid about everything too do with her, . Just too clarify something though she is not the type of girl too just jump in too bed with anyone, she is an honest person , who has had 2 scumbag husbands in the past,who now finds herself the attention of 2 people.What do i do???

Do i not txt , do i leave her too call me , do i pester her about it, do i force her too make a decision,

Help!!!!!!!

Ladies and gentlemen your ideas are all welcome i hope you can ease my troubled mind, i don't mind personal questions if you feel the need too ask

Thanks for reading Andy

Histiletto

To qualify my statement - I am not a counseler nor do I claim to have any great insight, so here it goes.

You may have to give her some space, but let her know you are there for her and that you will always love her. Continue as close a relationship that gives her the freedom to choose. Once she has made that choice, be willing to support her. You both broke up for a reason and in her mind it is still valid. I know she may not choose for your side, but if this other person is as bad as you said, she will need some one to turn to later. If you have proven to be that special friend, who knows the possibilities.

Take care and best wishes,

jmc

Sounds like you need to be there for her. She may eventually come to the realization that she is in an unhealthy relationship but you are not in a position to push the situation. It will be hard to keep a level head given your emotional investment but you have to do it.

And the requisite disclaimer from me: I am not a counselor nor do I play one on TV.

__________________
Have a happy time!

tightsnheels

I also will disclaim I am not a counselour, I am a mechanic.
But I quite agree give her some space but be there for her. If she has had two failed marriges in the past you don't want to push her too hard too fast; she has to make the desicion herself in order to be satisfied with that desicion. Later if she is pushed she could turn and lash out at you. A little comfortable space and a loving disposition should be the best recipe for a good relationship. I would however avoid sleeping with her again as that could come back at you in ways untold if she were to lash out.
Keep in mind I have little to offer in the current dateing scene though as I have been happily married for nearly twenty years. (Ninteen years ten months to be exact.)
T&H

sevenup

Thanks guys,
I have this gut feeling that we should be together, i am in love with this woman all over again, however you define love!I appreciate her for what she is, and i would hate for her too be shat upon again by another scumbag even if she didn't want me ,
I know deep down that i need to give her space , i think? , she has said she will finish with him, but is struggling to do it , but its my head that is ruling my thoughts , not the trouser dept! I have been faithfull to every woman i've been with all 3 of them in 27 years,never married, but been close once, i've been shat on by my son's mother , whom i treated like a queen , this is what lead me to treat Claire a little different the old cliche "treat em mean ,keep em keen" but it backfired, god i wish i could turn back the clock ! I'm not a womaniser , i like too think i know how too treat a woman, old school! chivalry etc. etc.
She is a good person, but when every moment of your day is taken by thinking of her it is very hard to lay off, and give space , all i want is too talk too her , hold her, kiss her,forget the bedroom stuff for now,i appreciate your advice guys , it seems that i have too give her time but god its gonna be hard , i'll have too bury my mobile phone.!!!

May be less is more!

JNR

why not let her read this thread?

sevenup

Hi JNR,
Hell yeah, i can see your thinkin, but unless i paint it in 10 metre high letters in the high street, there aint nothing i haven't thought of or already done/said too her , to convince this woman .
She is a very tough cookie, because i think of her previous encounters,
She is a shy person, she doesn't voice her opinions out load, I on the other hand wear my heart on my sleeve, hence this appeal for help/guidance from all you guys and girls,I think i just have too bide my time and hope she see's me for what i am,an honest down too earth guy with no ghosts in the cupboard, that absolutely adores her, i accept i made a few mistakes a while ago,( nothing too do with being unfaithfull i will add, just stupid things now, looking back) but don't we all from time to time, and as the saying goes " you only realise what you had when its gone! "

As for reading this well she is the only one in my life that actually knows i have worn or still do wear heels, she found out by accident, but i was honest with her , she was pretty ok with it i think, found it hard too believe a masculine guy could do this , but hey we do ! this is not the reason we split i will add!!

I really appreciate your thoughts and thanks

Andy

sevenup

T&H,
I thank you for your input, counsellor or mechanic, the fact that you've been married for 20 years, gives guidance in itself, that you have found that balance that constitutes a good relationship , i'm envious, at nearly 6 years your senior i can only hope that someday something will go right!!

fastfreddy2

Are you sure she wasn't seeing this other fella while she was seeing you?

Even if she wasn't, she's cheated on him with you.


If the roles were reversed, her girlfriends would be saying to her "He just wants his cake and eat it." Have a think on this idea?

I've been in your situation, and wasted 10 years of my life chasing the 'perfect woman' who, (in my case) had the morals of an alley cat. It won't be easy, but experience tells me you'll never be happy with her, no matter how much you believe you need her.

Love is blind true enough, but it don't have to be daft too.

Be careful who let yourself want.

johnieheel

I agree totally with fastfreddy2! ARE YOU CRAZY?
She is cheating on him with you. Is that being honest. Get as far away from her as you can before you really get hurt. This is a no win situation.
I am also not a counselor but I do have a little common sense.

__________________
real men wear heels