Busted

plats · 18th December 2006, 13:07

Hi all ! This is my first post here ! ive been wearing heels now for around sixteen years now and ive quite a good collection, however for the past two years ive been living with my girlfriend and its a serious relationship , so most of my collection has remained hidden
However last week , she stumbled across my collection and she has now hit the roof

and wants me to get rid of the lot

I really love her but i love wearing my hees too !!
What should i do ?????

AndrewH · 18th December 2006, 13:58

Putting aside the fact that you should have been up front a lot earlier in your relationship (from her point of view you've been deceiving her for 2 years), all you can do is talk to her about it - and see if she will compromise. This may take a lot of patience on your part.

You will probably have to reassure her you love her - and find out what makes her feel loved (is it presents, your attention, cuddling, telling her you love her, etc) and do that for her because you love her, not because you may get to keep your heels.

If she won't compromise, you will have to choose between the heels and her - but please don't agree to get rid of them and then start in secret again, else you really will be deceiving her (before, you hadn't told her that you DIDN'T wear heels!)

Hope this helps

Magickman · 18th December 2006, 15:08

The heels or the girl?

Oh well. You can always get another girl.

And next time, let her know sooner.

Krapsparov · 18th December 2006, 15:19

Hi Plats

You probably have what everyone else has on this site.
You can call it a compulsion, an addiction, a fetish – it does not really matter in the long run because what you have is not going to go away.
There are some narrow-minded people on this planet that may say it’s an illness. Well if it is, it can’t be cured.
There have been experienced members on this site that have purged their collection only to start again within a matter of months.
I hate to say it, and I hope somebody else on this site can prove me wrong, but I think you are kidding yourself that you have any choice at all.
You can’t change who you are.
Talk it through with her. Try and maintain boundaries that she finds acceptable.
Personally, I would stay way from emotional blackmail by saying “If you love me, then you must love my shoes” because that just not fair to her.
Say you love her and you will respect her decision because ultimately, the decision is hers and not yours.

Jon

Tljakes · 18th December 2006, 16:11

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krapsparov

Hi Plats

You probably have what everyone else has on this site.
You can call it a compulsion, an addiction, a fetish – it does not really matter in the long run because what you have is not going to go away.
There are some narrow-minded people on this planet that may say it’s an illness. Well if it is, it can’t be cured.
There have been experienced members on this site that have purged their collection only to start again within a matter of months.
I hate to say it, and I hope somebody else on this site can prove me wrong, but I think you are kidding yourself that you have any choice at all.
You can’t change who you are.
Talk it through with her. Try and maintain boundaries that she finds acceptable.
Personally, I would stay way from emotional blackmail by saying “If you love me, then you must love my shoes” because that just not fair to her.
Say you love her and you will respect her decision because ultimately, the decision is hers and not yours.

Jon

Well I agree on mostly everything you said. But due to the fact that this isn't something that's going to disappear out of your life, you can't get rid of it (don't care how much you love her) and think you would never long to wear another high heel EVER again. That just won't happen. She will need to accept that it's a part of you that will be there till the day you die. If she tells you to choose between her and your heels, she is not the right person to spend your life with. People that really love each other can find common ground with compromises from both sides and not just the one.

Tough choice though as you can't live without women or high heels.......

johnieheel · 18th December 2006, 17:20

I ,like alot of others on this sitehave been in this same situaition and the results are allways the same. You can get rid of the shoes but you will be geting rid of what is a very important part of YOU. You will not be completly happy as you probably haven't been anyway having to hide it, So bottom line is if she doesn't understand that this is a part of you that makes you whole and happy and complete than there are alot of women out there, and I would venture to say most from my experience, that will take you as you are and enjoy your passion for heels.This might help some to explain. http://passionsforfootwear.com/advice2.htm

asdf174 · 18th December 2006, 20:09

I don't know. If I was really in love I would give up heel wearing if she wanted me too.

Krapsparov · 18th December 2006, 21:12

Quote:

Originally Posted by asdf174

I don't know. If I was really in love I would give up heel wearing if she wanted me too.

$10 says you can't

whynotheels · 18th December 2006, 21:18

I'll go my own way here and say that if YOU decide that YOU love her more than heels, YOU can stop the habit --it's a lot of work, but it is possible. I have it easy since it's so hard to find heels in my large size, but I've been "clean" for about two years now. I tossed my old heels that didn't really fit right and have avoided looking for new ones.

One thing to avoid at all cost: NEVER EVER think that you stopped heeling because of her. In your mind, you'll start to hate her for it. It has to be YOUR decision.

And don't just trash the heels. Sell them on e-bay and buy her a nice diamond ring with the proceeds!

asdf174 · 18th December 2006, 22:10

Quote:

Originally Posted by Krapsparov

$10 says you can't

Yeah I was thinking the same thing. LOL.