New to Forum and Seeking Advice

LovelyShoe · 1st October 2008, 03:06

I am new to the forum and unfortunately don't have any pics to show yet. I am sure this topic has come up before. I have worn heeled boots off and on when the wife isn't around. She doesn't know about it because I highly doubt that she would be having it. I have been subtle in trying to test the waters by giving positive remarks while she wears shoes with heels and have pointed out some shoes like a pair from payless that has a bit more of a manly look to it but has a higher heel (she said they look like they have high heels and was turned off). Is there anything that has worked positively with any of your S/O's or wives in either telling them or at least getting some form of acceptance? Thank you in advance for your input.

radiodave · 1st October 2008, 03:39

First, welcome!

As far as getting the S/O to accept it... No easy answer there. my ex-wife was cool with it, and I let her in on my interest shortly after we started dating. Fortunately, she didn't think it was really weird, and while she wasn't promoting it, she was fine with me wearing them around the house and admired my confidence in wearing them. We split for unrelated reasons, and we are still good friends, but she was the first to say that whoever I meet should be accepting of it, since the heels are undoubtedly part of who I am.

Since you're already married, that's a sticky situation. If she was already turned off by the boots you liked, you might tactfully try to find out what really turns her off about them. If she thinks they just don't look good on guys, that's one thing, but if she's turned off about you because you want to wear them, that's another thing.

You can try some low-heeled shoes that are more masculine, and see what her reaction is, but at some point you're either going to have to let the cat out of the bag and take your chances wearing what you want, or stop wearing them and be unhappy. Hiding them from her is a slippery slope at best, because she will find out eventually. The longer you hide them, the more she's going to wonder what else you're hiding when she does find out, and then you're in a bad spot. Yes, I realize that's probably not what you wanted to hear, but it bears saying because many others here will probably make similar points.

All I can say is try testing the waters and try to get some idea what her thoughts are about guys wearing heels. There's a good possibility that her initial reaction will be the knee-jerk "Ew!" reaction. Then, she will either be somewhat curious about it, or she'll be totally turned off by it. Maybe show her this site, and matter-of-factly mention that there are guys here (mostly straight and often married) who wear heels. Maybe if you pesent it as "Say, did you know there are some guys who wear heels and their wives think it's cool?", then you can gauge her reaction to that. At some point you will probably have to discuss it and come clean in saying that "Hey, I like to wear heels, I'm not some weirdo because of that, I'd like to wear them, but if you really don't like the idea, then we may have to reach some compromise.". Believe me, some of us here have felt like maybe we were not quite right in the head because we like to wear heels, but we've come to realize that no, they're just shoes, and in this day and age, folks wear pretty much anything and most folks don't have a big malfunction with it.

All I can say is if she doesn't accept it, DON'T FORCE IT. It can only end in disaster. Likewise, the more you try to keep it under wraps, the more likely things will not end up well.

Hope this helps, and good luck!

Saturn · 1st October 2008, 04:41

After reading radiodave's post, I think I agree with everything he had to say.

The best that I can offer is this - I hope it turns out for the better, rather than the worse. Some girlfriends or wives are cool with it, and the ones that aren't cool with it can be a little too harsh about a situation that's really not that big of a deal. When you do finally let the cat out of the bag (and I mean REALLY let the cat out of the bag, when you think the time is right), just tell her that you didn't know how accepting she will be because of it, hence the hiding.

After that, if she thinks you're hiding all kinds of "terrible secrets" from her, and this is just the beginning - well... let's just say that I don't want to tell my true feelings on those individuals, because it's rude.

I'll just say this -those who are close-minded piss me off. And not in the British "pissed drunk" kind of good way, either.

johnieheel · 1st October 2008, 05:59

Once again, a cry for help. (No punt intended). I believe this web site has helped many as it sure helped me. Give it a try.
http://www.passionsforfootwear.com/psychology.htm

Bubba136 · 1st October 2008, 16:30

This is a very long thread that goes back to the very beginning of this website (and, even before at Jenny's website).

The advice radiodave has presented is sound. It has been given time after time, again and again, (I've given this same advice at least 10 times over the span of my membership here )always with the same ending.

While, in our minds, there isn't anything wrong with our wearing high heels and wanting to wear them as our normal footwear, some (most?) women find the idea revolting and have huge problems with it.

Best time to let your SO know of your heels: When it becomes obvious that your relationship has a good chance of becoming serious.

Hiding it from your wife/SO isn't wise. When she discovers your "secret" (and she will) she will be curious as to what else you've been hiding from her.

Suppressing your desire doesn't work: IT AIN'T EVER GOING AWAY.

Telling her after marriage can be "terminal." More than one member here has lost their wife as a result of an "after the fact" confession.

Whenever you tell her. before or after, be prepared for total rejection. And, if you are lucky enough to survive, make some compromises with her -- like you'll never wear heels in front of her (or, any children you might have), will only wear them when she's out and you will keep your heels in places where she can see them and constantly be reminded that those "woman's shoes" belong to her "husband."

One more thing, telling her after you are married, and she doesn't like the habit, will forever alter the her view of you....She will never look at you in the same light, ever again.

roniheels · 2nd October 2008, 22:00

My simple advice is to be open and especially be honest. I wasn't with my ex and it cost me my marriage. One answer we don't like to hear, but it is an answer: no I don't like your desire to wear high heels. As painful as that might be, make your decision and move on. But if you are not happy with that decision, you might not ever be happy, and is that worth it?

I am now very happy with my life and my friends and family have accepted my choice to wear high heels. You can't make everyone happy, so I suggest you don't try. Make yourself happy at all costs, whatever it takes.

I am drifting off of the subject. Bottom line, be totally honest with your wife and see where it goes from there.

Dawn HH · 2nd October 2008, 23:01

Hi and welcome to the HH Place Forum. As to your problem it has cropped up here many, many times before and is a tough nut to crack. What a lot of woman don't realise is that this is in your genes from birth and will be there till the day you die. This is something that can't be cured or suppressed because if it is many problems can crop up later in life. Serious problems. As I say, this is a tough problem to solve, but you must be happy and content to remain healthy in mind and body. Life is short so make the best decisions and stick to them with the information at hand. Good luck and keep us all posted on your progress.
Cheers---

Dawn HH