radiodave

I'm curious. Now being back in the single position again, I have a dilemma. The ex-wife was a rare find, and we both agreed that the right people come into our lives at the right times. She was cool with me exploring high heels, and she agrees they are part of who I am. Since she wasn't as big into heels, she agrees I ought to find someone who likes heels as much as I do. She's also quick to remind me that if I keep a positive outlook that I'll meet the right person, then that person will come along when the time is right.

Now the tricky part. Let's say once I start looking again (not ready yet), how and when does one cross the bridge of "hey, I'm a guy who likes to wear heels"? Granted, I think it's a foregone conclusion that if whoever comes along, she's going to have to accept it, but I'm not sure whether to get that out at the very beginning (like before we've met), or after we've met and established that neither is a psychopathic axe murderer. On the one hand, if you get it out of the way early, then little time is wasted if she's not cool with it, and prospects are looking good after that. The ex-wife thinks I should gauge how she might be with it by asking the right kinds of questions to gauge how open minded she is first, and if she doesn't seem very open minded then the cat's still in the bag and no problem. I have a feeling that being very up-front about it might not work so well, since the ex-wife admitted it took a little getting used to initially. Guess my analogy is like building a campfire; if you get a little fire going and put lots of big logs on too soon, you'll put it out. But if you add little bits at a time, you'll have a good fire.

One thing's for sure; if she starts spending some time at my house, there's going to be some 'splaining to do if she looks in the closet too soon!

What's everyone's take on the whole thing? I guess reading the polls we've had, it's very mixed as far as how S/Os accept it. I certainly envy the ones whose wives/girlfriends encourage them to wear heels, buy shoes together, and so on. You guys are lucky!

johnieheel

Well Dave as you know, I'm pretty open and right up front with my passion for heels. Thats , what I think, is the best policy. Just casually bring it into the conversation about likes and dis likes when you first meet.
Thats my opinion.

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HotBootGuy

x2 and i wouldn't be scared to leave the closet door open. Thing is the best way i feel to act about your love for heels is to treat it like it's no big deal. Trying to initiate talk about your love for heels should only come up if she say sees you while you are wearing them or happens to see them in your home, bringing it up out of nowhere can make the conversation get uncomfortable. Making the fact that you wear heels seem like no big deal will prove to her that you are confident and most likely she will either support you, want to share the passion of heels with you "if she's likes them herself", or she will just flat out tell you that she doesn't like it and a decision on the relationship can be determined from there.

That way it is out in the open from early on and you didn't have to explain anything before hand or keep it a secret.


I actually get a kick out some of my wifes friends seeing the boots on my side of the closet and asking her if they are mine. She's like "yep" and they mostly reply with "huh, thats odd but pretty cool, never seen a guy try to pull that off".

gwl1

Wear heels on your first meeting so she can see you're confident wearing them. Confidence is sexy to a LOT of women. Then she can accept you or reject you right off the bat. Heels are very important in your life, so put that priority up front, because it will surface sooner or later, so no sense getting involved with someone who is going to have a difficult time with them. Don't waste a lot of time. Life's short. If you're going fishing, stack the odds in favor of catching a good one, and sooner rather than later! Just my opinion.

GWL

chris100575

I don't think there's any hard and fast rule, but early on is definitely for the best. Before my GF and I met for the first time face to face I'd made my mind up to tell her about my heels early on before things got too serious, but whenever I felt comfortable with bringing it up. It turned out to be on the day we met, and she was fine about it.

I think your ex has a point, try and gauge how open minded she is first. For me, the time just felt right on that first day.

Chris

tom

Go to the Mall hang around the shoe stores like 9-west when you see someone trying on or wearing high heels, compliment them and make conversation about them wearing high heels....when you go fishing you want to go where the fish are!!! good luck

Maximilian!

I agree that telling the woman you are dating about your interest in high heel fashion early on is a must.

How early? Well, that's the 64,000 question. I'd say that definitely during the first few dates. Obviously you'll be looking for an open minded person. As your ex wife recommended, find out how open minded she is as early as possible.

Personally, if we're talking about a woman you've just met, I'd avoid telling her on the first date, open minded or not. A first date is usually more formal/get to know a person in general. She, as well as you, are processing the info you've been given as well as both sides being a bit nervous, even uncomfortable since we're talking about a first date. If there is chemistry between the two of you, she seems to like various things about you and that you've established that she is open minded, then I'd bring it up on the second date in a casual way but I wouldn’t wear my heels to that date.

Like others have said, make sure you sound relaxed and confident when you bring it up. If she'd say that she thinks it's weird but not in a negative tone, I'd joke around and agree (say something that shows her that you are able to laugh at yourself) but make her understand how harmless it is. Try convincing her that it's weird and quirky, but in a cool way. It might convince her that you're very confident in being you in public (lots of points for you in her book) and that you don't take yourself too seriously (another trait many women look for). Better yet, if you have a very technical-grey job, wearing heels will give you the aura of a more artistic person, hence a more complex and interesting guy.

If she's still interested after the casual and convincing talk of yours, only then I'd wear the heels out on a date with her. Don't over do it in the beginning, i.e, make sure the first image she has of you in heels is a conservative one. Block heels, blade heels with square toe, only heels in black/brown colors etc. After she gets accustomed to see you in them (don't forget to match the heels with the total outfit look!), I'd proceed to show her your entire heel collection. That way, even your more feminine-flashy heels won't be so "in her face" (unless all your heels are over the top lol).

I also suggest never to bring up the heels subject in an obsessive manner, unless she is fascinated and she brings it up. Make her understand that for you, they're just another style of shoes that you enjoy wearing.

Ultimately, it will come down to her confidence and self esteem, not yours. If she is confident enough to be around her partner in public, regardless of other peoples' opinions, then you've got yourself a keeper. All that's left after that is to deal with her crazy quirks!

Elegant

Radiodave, if I were you, I'd discuss things like gender equality, feminism, discrimination etc. It can be a good test to prove how sexist someone is.

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If you never enter the closet, you won't have any difficulty coming out of it!

NewfieGuyInHeels

Well for me, my gf encourages and enjoys me wearing heels. In the beginning we use to work at the same grocery store and I just brought it up during a conversation about shoes. So she knew long before we started dating. I still do bring it up, but only when the topic surfaces. I don't exactly come out and say "Hey, I'm a guy who likes to wear heels" But when the topic of clothes, shoes, or fashion comes up when I'm talking to someone, I just mention a new pair of boots, or my faves that I have. When they ask (which they always do) I just explain my taste, and I've yet to meet someone who didn't understand.

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HHfanatic

It depends on how important heels are for you.
The higher on the ranking, the better it is to be up front as early as possible to make sure a possible relationship is based upon the most important values.