lorriette

NEXT DAY

"You're not mad at me mum?". "Not in the way you mean it, no. I am angry with you our Di, for encouraging Billie without telling me and for the other night". :Look, i'm sorry mum, that was the first time he's been out like that, honestly, and, well, i didn't feel i could betray him by telling, it was only meant to be a bit of fun. I can see now that i was wrong, and should have done or said something". "That's right mum, last night was my first time in all her clothes and with make-up and that. I normally only wear her shoes, but sometimes borrow tights and a dress". "I thought some of my things had been moved".
"Enough of that, the thing is, where do we go from here?. It's not that i mind you playing at being a girl, and as you have done it again today, i assume you want to continue?, but there are all sorts of things to consider". "I suppose dad will stop me, and give me a hidding for being a wimp". "No he won't, and anyway, he probably won't find out. He's not comming back here to live, No, i was thinking more about school, your friends and the neighbours"."Oh, thats easy mum, i've only got one more term at school, they might not notice anything different, maybe i could be schooled at home even. I haven't any realclose friends, i don't bother much with anyone, and we hardly bother with the neighbours. I can't explain, but i've always wanted to be a girl, that's why i put up with Di tormenting me, i want to be like her, with her, do the things she does. I can get work to pay for my things, like she does, and i won't be no trouble and Di says she'd help me and that". "What, encouraging you to drink and smoke, go to pubs to meet lads is her idea of helping you?". "Aw, come on mum, it wasn't really quite like that, he looked so good, he just had to out and feel the buzz. Anyway, i looked after him,and he didn't come to any harm. Besides, lots of fifteen yearolds drink and smoke a little, and not all of them turn out bad. I've been doing it for about two years, yea, you hadn't noticed, but i behave properly, and have given you no trouble".
"No, i didn't know, and i'm quite horrified that you've been doing these things, and, i suppose the other too". "Let's not go there now, can Bobbie remain living as a girl, and if so, how are we going to go about it?". "I suppose the answer is yes, hey, calm down you two, things need sorting out. Bobbie will have to finish this term as a boy, no make-up, no nail varnish, no jewellry,hair pulled back in a pony-tail, and no girls clothes whatsoever, understand? (nods), totally male to, in, and from school. I shall have to find out what can be done for next term. Am i to take it that despite your good grades, you don't want to stay on for A levels and possibly college, I think missing that would be a shame. I think we had better make an appointment with our doctors too, there must be someone we'll have to see".
"It's not that i don't want to go to college, but i want to be a girl, a proper girl, and i don't think i would be allowed. I'm sorry mum, but i don't want to be a boy, or man. I would rather take a mundane job as a woman, than have a career as aman. I know this doesn't make much sense to you, but i've felt this way for years, but couldn't try to tell you. Last night i put on a show of reluctance for Di, but was so thrilled that i was getting a chance to be who i really wanted to be, see myself as i should be. Now that i've been there, there's no way back, it's not a dream anymore, it will happen, if not now, in a couple of painful years. I,m really sorry, mum, you've lost your son, but it's already happened. Don't blame Diana, O.K. we were naughty, but it's better out, and she really did look after me".
A deeply moved Julie could feel tears welling up in her eyes, to hide it, she told the girls to go prepare tea, while she went off to think things through.

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